Cabin Fever Horror Reboot: Is It Phat Or Whack?

For better or ill, the bastard industry has went and released a remake to the phenomenal cult classic, “Cabin Fever”. I must say, initially, I was geared up with anticipation for the remake. I desperately wanted to enjoy it. Everything in my being was telling me there was no way this film could go sideways. Four teenagers fueled on beer and weed rambunctiously gallivanting through a seemingly isolated forest and then falling victim to a flesh-eating virus. How could you go wrong? Then I went did and the inevitable. I pressed that damn triangle button on my remote and had my every expectation crushed.

I don’t typically use the word AWFUL in an article, it’s too weak. However, exceptions are to be made. This film was AWFUL. Everything the original did right, this film failed to accomplish. It was like a horny high school student suffering from erectile dysfunction, it simply couldn’t get the job done. It followed, without barely wavering in the slightest, the original and fun script from one of my favorite directors, Eli Roth, but did so almost insultingly. I had gone in expecting something, anything, to be different than what I had already seen from the predecessor, but it was never the case. Line for fucking line shot for nearly every fucking shot was a cheap, absent-minded interpretation of the original. The few scenes I had the most hopes for, such as the shaving incident in the bathtub to me felt rushed, and not horrific in the slightest. Maybe I was simply numb to the effects, having knowledge of what was going to happen, but by the end of the scene, I simply felt sad, an overwhelming sense of depression that comes from too much anticipation and not enough payoff. Shame on you. By the end of the film, I tried once again to like it. I tried to convince myself that somehow this film had won, that it had earned a special place among the greats but I was only lying to myself.

To sum it up, dear reader is that Cabin Fever 2016 is the desperate little brother of the original, trying urgently to live outside of the shadow of its much more acclaimed sibling, but only ends up mimicking it with such a feverish demand that it has no choice but to go unrecognized. If you’ve seen the original, let well enough be. There’s no need to ruin perfection. If you do want to risk it, be prepared for a letdown. Then again, grab a couple of fifths of rum, call up a couple of friends, and maybe have a few laughs at this film’s expense.

At least, you’ll have something to rage about later.

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