The Houston Press Honors Juggalos this Holiday Season
The Houston Press wrote a comical yet heartfelt article, How To Please The Juggalo In Your Life This Holiday Season, encouraging family and friends to accommodate the Juggalos in their lives. The well written article seems to be in response to ICP’s genuine gesture to Safyre, the little girl that was saved by her dad who was a Juggalo. We all know the story by now! At any rate, I must begin this article with their closing statement for it is undoubtedly the reason for their article. In reference to this gesture Chris Lane, article author, closes.
That’s a pretty charitable move by guys who often sing about murder and wear clown makeup, and is a true manifestation of the holiday spirit. Perhaps we can all learn a lesson of acceptance and love from the Juggalos in our lives. A real holiday miracle.
This act seems to have really touched this writer. Enough, in fact, to find a picture of some random Juggalo and Photoshop a Santa hat to his head. Interesting depiction of his subject matter. I mean really? Where was this picture taken? But the caption is optimistic though on the verge of sarcastic.
He really seems to be rooting for Juggalos and their acceptance this holiday season. The main attraction to this article is the countdown of 3 tips for “enjoying a merry holiday season with your Juggalo friends and relatives”
His first tip is “Get The Music Right” which is very encouraging. In the holiday spirit they reference “A Carnival Christmas” and Twiztid’s “A Cut-Throat Christmas” as appropriate “tunes” that promise “to warm the cockles of any Juggalo’s heart.” They even went as far at to embed Youtube videos of “Santas a Fat Bitch” and “Waiting of Christmas Gifts.” One wonders if the writer actually sat down and listened to these songs. They seem to have fun pointing out different songs from the album saying, “Seasonal favorites like Fuck You It’s Christmas, Waiting On Christmas Gifts, Sad Christmas Song, and Lonely On Christmas are almost guaranteed to fill everyone with cheer.”
The next tip is to “Get Appropriate Gifts” where they mention Hatchetclause shirts and Juggalo themed Christmas ornaments. They even link you up to Hatchetgear and a custom gifts web store, mypixelpress, selling personalized hatchetman ornaments. So you can actually buy these items. But his reference to Hatchergear and juggalo gear as swag was quite a disappointment. As Rittz says, “Fuck Swag.” We knew this research was probably minimal from his picture for this article. Then he ends the gift suggestions with, “Honestly though, heading down to the local costume store and buying some quality clown makeup would probably also go over well – No self respecting Juggalo can ever have enough clown white in their arsenal.”
The last tip is “Refreshments. You’ll Need Refreshments.” This whole section is, of course, about Faygo. They go as far as to suggest going to great lengths to get it. They caution, “ordering Faygo to be delivered from out of state could get expensive.” He not only suggests serving Juggalo Juice as a holiday refreshment but suggests going as far as adding it to traditional holiday drinks. “Sure, it can be served straight out of the bottle, but why not get creative, and come up with some Faygo based holiday drinks? Drop 20 oz of “grape” into a batch of eggnog, and watch everyones’ eyes light up with glee. Mixing “Redpop” Faygo into a punch bowl of wassail will warm your guest’s hearts along with their tummies, and throwing in a little vodka probably wouldn’t hurt their holiday spirit either.”
You can read all the hilarity and heartfelt attempt to reach out to Juggalos this Holiday season at the Houston Press.
Subscribe to the TJF Newsletter