Ramble On ¬†Thoughts in my head. It’s time for the madman to ramble again…

Today, I want to tell you how I cope with my depression and anxiety through this music we call “the wicket shit”. You know, growing up I always had this incredible fear that would take over me. Certain situations would trigger this, mainly at school, occasionally at home. I would have this immense feeling of being uncomfortable, and felt like I had to run away from whatever it was that would be causing this feeling. I didn’t know why this happened, and I always felt it was just something wrong with me. Later in life, I would come to know this feeling as having “anxiety attacks”.

These would come and go (and still do) at random times. Unrealistic fears, worrying about outside forces popping my little safety bubble. I’ve tried medicine, I’ve tried therapy. I’ve been in psychiatric hospitals trying to figure out how to cope. While all that helps me to a certain degree, I found that the only thing that helps to ease the anxiety was this new music that I started listening to. Insane Clown Posse¬†had been introduced to me. Here it was, two white guys , painted up like clowns and rapping about murder, hell and death. And I loved it. It was something I could relate to. This was before the “family” era. This was raw emotion, crazy lyrics being sung over carnival beats. It was weird, fucked up and vulgar. And I related to it. I think the track that first stuck out to me as therapeutic would be “Fuck Off!!” by Shaggy 2 Dope. It was a release of all that negative feeling, and just saying “FUCK OFF” to everything. The carefree feeling of not letting things bother you. The comedy. The out of nowhere fuckery that goes with it. Makes me happy just thinking about that song.

Moving further into the Dark Carnival, some tracks that really started to click with me were “House of Wonders”, “3 Rings”, “Southwest Song” among many more. Each would seem to help me on different levels with my anxiety. It was a message that was clear as day, and helps me daily. I find it in just about any Juggalo I meet, and I hope everyone out there feels it too. The message? YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

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