Texas Chainsaw 3D
WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today I’m reviewing a movie that’s title involves two things I hold dear to my heart, Texas and chainsaws! As everyone should know by now the latest installment of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise has hit theaters in all it’s gory glory. Although this time around, the powers that be opt to eliminate the word “Massacre” from the movie title. Not sure why, perhaps they feel they’ll attract a wider audience with a more tame name. Call it whatever ya want, we know what it really is! Anyway, the movie starts off exactly where the 1974 original left us — in which case I guess for this film, we’re gonna pretend parts 2 through 4 never happened — and that’s mostly a good thing! Once we pick up after a quick recap of the first movie from almost four decades ago, we find the Sawyer Clan in a very similar scene to the opening of Rob Zombie’s The Devil’s Rejects, which I consider more of a shout out then a blatant rip-off. Trying to accuse TCM of ripping off a Rob Zombie film is kinda like accusing ICP of ripping off TWIZTID — get it?
Anyhow, hardcore TCM fans will recognize some very exciting cameos in that first scene, including the original Leatherface, Gunner Hanson and Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 actor and horror Icon Bill Mosley as Drexel Sawyer, aka the Cook.
Unfortunately these are only cameos and is pretty much all we see of these guys in the film.
The rest of the movie is centered around five young people that go on a road trip to Texas after one of the group, a girl named Heather, played by Alexandra Daddario (the hot baby sitter from Hall Pass), inherits a home from a recently deceased grandmother that she didn’t even know she had.
Along the way, the crew picks up a friendly hitch hiker on his way to Louisiana. Once the crew makes it to Newit, Texas, where Heather’s new home is located, the party is on!
However … after a few certain events something is accidentally set free, and that something is, you guessed it, Leatherface! With his home full of unwelcome intruders, dinner is served for the masked cannibal! Of course, this is where the movie really takes off, with your typical folks running for their lives with the chainsaw-wielding madman hot on their tails.
Something I really liked was that the chase scenes didn’t seem to drag on like in some of the past films. Also, this may very well be the goriest of the TCM franchise. There are plenty of “jump out at you” scares and a couple of “didn’t see that coming” moments along the way as Heather tries to solve the mysteries of her past and why there is a lunatic chasing her with a chainsaw. I’m not saying that this movie is a head trip or a has a big surprise twist, but it does go in a direction that we have never seen a Texas Chainsaw movie go. Don’t worry, I don’t mean that there is any cheesy gimmick like time travel, space aliens or government agencies controlling anything. This is a solid horror film and a great addition to the Chainsaw legacy. I hope to see more of the same in the future, I think Daddario did a really good job as the lead, she wasn’t just eye-candy screaming in the woods.
There is a certain darkness she brought to the role that was very important to pull off the character. I think she’ll do well in her career. Of course, I won’t say how the movie ends but I will say I liked it. All in all, I really enjoyed this flick, and on a scale of 1 to 10 I give it a pretty damn cool! There will always be people complaining that it’s not as good as the old ones. To those people I say as I always do — You want the old ones? Then go watch the old ones! RandomNinja out!
Bonus Rant! Gein 101 I know most of you Ninjas already know this but for those that do not, I gotta school your brain muscles with some TCM knowledge! Ok, I am born and raised in Texas, a proud Texan — and like everywhere, in Texas we have urban myths, and probably the biggest one is that the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a true story. This is complete bulls***! Not a year goes by that I don’t meet someone that swears they have been to where “Leatherface killed all those people,” or has a random uncle that was “locked up with Leatherface himself in Huntsville.” All this tells me is your either: A) Full of sh**, or; B) Incredibly gullible.
So, here is the skinny on what and who ole’ Leatherballs is based on. Ed Gein was a grave robber in Wisconsin in the late 1950’s and he was also the basis of Leatherface in the Chainsaw films.
•Did he use a chainsaw to kill a bunch of people? No. Not only did he not use a chainsaw, but he only killed two people, a couple of middle-aged women from his local town and he did it with a deer rifle. •Did he skin bodies and wear their skin? Yes. Gein did do this strange and gruesome act. It’s believed that he wanted to be a woman, most likely because of his strange relationship with his late mother. •Did he eat human flesh? Yes. In fact, he field-dressed one of the women he killed like a deer and shared the steaks with some unknowing friends that he visited. •Did he make furniture out of human bones? Yup. He made chairs, bed posts and other home decorations out of his findings from his nightly trips to the graveyard. Gein was also the inspiration for the characters of Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs, and Norman Bates in Psycho.
I guess “The Wisconsin deer rifle double homicide” just didn’t sound as good as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. After Gein was busted, he lived out the rest of his quizzical life in the confines of a mental hospital, claiming to never actually remember either of the two murders. He died in 1984.
So, next time some Ninja starts spitting fake ass nonsense about their how daddy’s broseph was sharing a cell with Mr. Face or how they sparked a doobie in Leatherneck’s living room while looking at chain burns and blood on the wall, do your pal RandomNinja a solid and SCHOOL THEM! I am the dadgum Bat, and I am out!! ***For more information on serial killers check your local library. I mean, you could look it up online but the looks you’ll get at the library are so worth it. Stay in school.***