The REAL Michael Myers is back in Halloween Returns


Image courtesy of Universal

Fuck Rob Zombie’s wack version where the Shape was just a trailer kid with horrible parents and school bullies. Michael Myers is scary because he gives minus infinity fucks. That is what Zombie got wrong. The real Mike just kills because he loves to do it. He doesn’t have a sob story to make you care about him. He hates you and wants to open your insides.

That is why the news that has been coming in over the past couple days is a-fucking-mazing. Zombie, of course, is out and the new film, Halloween Returns,  is still stabbing right back into the original franchise. According to ShockTilYouDrop, the new movie takes place as a sequel to Halloween II. So, it effectively retcons the entire series.

Myers is scheduled to be executed, but he escapes. The police are hunting him as he goes on a killing spree. Now there is a manhunt for him, but Myers has his own prey in mind.

I hope they get the character right. There is not much to Myers, and Zombie’s films, as well as the last few in the original series, forgot that. They keep trying to make him deeper and more real.


Image courtesy of Dimension

Aw, it’s a sad wittle Mikey. 

Fuck that shit! I just want to see him brutally murder teenagers. Who’s with me on this? I admit, however, that I will miss the ultimate bad ass of the franchise: Dr. Loomis. That ma fucker is my hero.

Check out the trailer and let us know if you are excited to see, as Dr. Loomis puts it, “evil on two legs” return.