WWE Monday Night RAW Recap
WWE Monday Night RAW live! Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The night starts off with good ol’ Stephanie McMahon. Yay, it’s going to be gut wrenching as usual. She comes out with this crap about how Triple H isn’t going to be there tonight not because he scared of Roman Reigns ( I like how she just had to throw that in there), but because he had other responsibilities to take care of. Something the people in the crowd know nothing about. Then she goes on to say that Roman Reigns lacks intellect. That’s why he will never become WWE heavyweight champion. She says Triple H didn’t wanna risk his WWE title at WestleMania just to come get revenge on Reigns. Really we all know he didn’t show up because he’s gotten soft since he’s become part owner. Reigns music sounds as he comes to the stage. The roaring boos come relentlessly from the crowd as Roman Reigns says “shh.” He asked the crowd if they want to know why Triple H really didn’t come. It’s because he was too scared to get his ass whooped all over broad street. He says there’s nothing daddy’s money can do about him destroying him at WestleMania. Stephanie goes to slap him and he blocks it and tells her “I’m the authority now!” He throws the mic down and exits the ring.
The first match of the night is a rematch with AJ styles vs Kevin Owens. No matter what these matches are, they’re always going to go the same way until AJ and Jericho have their match together. The match was actually really good. They really go toe to toe. As the match closes Owens gets Styles on his shoulders. Styles elbows out of it and slides down and powerbombs Owens off the second rope but only gets a two count. Then as Styles waits for Owens to get up Jericho comes down and distracts him again as Owens rolls him up and gets the win. Kevin Owens starts to get a little excited. He says that it’s his show now and he knows that everybody been waiting to hear about who he’s going to fight at WrestleMania for his WWE intercontinental championship. He says he will fight anybody that wants to face him. Of course, as he says that you got people flocking to the stage. First it was Dolph Ziggler. Then The Miz comes out. Then, of course, Sami Zayne comes out. I really hope it’s Sami Zayne who gets the shot. I mean the Miz and Dolph Ziggler. The Miz, I think, is the worst wrestler in the WWE. I mean he came from MTV reality shows. Then, there’s not much to say about Dolph Ziggler. He hasn’t really done much. Well, Owens decides he is going to the authority to see if there can be a triple threat match to see who he’s going to fight.
It cuts to Ambrose in a bar talking to someone. He says he doesn’t know what’s inside Brock Lesnar, but deep down inside him he should probably quit. He reveals that he’s talking to Terry Funk. Then he says that he is the craziest in the business and that if he had a son, he would want it to be Ambrose. Funk gave him a Chainsaw from his chainsaw Charlie days. Ambrose took the chainsaw and turns it on him and revs it up with a wild look on his face. He cuts a table right in half. It cuts to Kevin Owens in Stephanie McMahons office. Owens tells her that a lot of people want his title and he tells her about the triple threat match he wants to have. She says he’s not afraid to swing for the fences. He can have it. So, she makes the match.
Now The League of Nations is on stage. They talk about how they crushed the New Day last week. As Sheamus tore them up he plays a video of them ripping them apart. Then the New Day’s music plays as they come down to the ring. Big E says that the New Day doesn’t suck nor have they ever sucked. As they get in the ring the League of Nations get out of the ring like they’re scared. I was kind of confused by this. How can you be scared of some pansy with lame unicorn horns? Anyway, Kofi starts making fun of the League. He says he’s glad Rusev started wearing boots cause his feet scared kids. He said he doesn’t know what happened to Del Rio. He used to come out with a limo and a ring announcer. He said King Barette is a waste of a king. They said imagine if the New Day were the 3 kings and they start mocking them in British accents. Then they get to Sheamus. They said that’s why his parents put the name Shame in his name. They said eating a big box of booty o’s would rectify it. As a Booty O chant comes from the crowd they dropkick The League of Nations off the apron as they stand tall in the ring. Woods plays Francesca II while they attack them while the ref comes to start the match. The Big E vs Rusev match was rigged from the start after the New Day had a hand in hurting them before the match even started. Big E has the upper hand most of the match. Rusev gets a few shots in, gets him in a chinlock, splashes him in the corner, and he even gets a superkicks on him. But Big E hits him with the electric chair. Sheamus tries to interfere but Big E spears him off the apron. Kingston hits Rusev with a trouble in paradise. Big E runs over and gives Rusev the Big ending for the win.
The Big Show comes down to the ring and as the Andre the Giant Memorial trophy is ringside he walks over to his trophy. He starts off by saying he’s been coming to the ring for 20 years. He always runs his mouth about how he’s the greatest giant, but really the real greatest is Andre the Giant. He said that Andre paved the way for all the giants and he is so proud that he won the trophy. He hopes to be a two time winner at WrestleMania. Heath Slater, Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel and Adam Rose as the Social Outcast interrupts the Big Show and says that he will be the Social Outcast’s biggest target at WrestleMania. Bo Dallas says with their combined powers the Big Show will be no problem. Cutis Axel says that they’re like Voltron. Big Show grabs Slater and Kanes music goes off as he heads to the ring. Kane grabs Slater and Rose and throws them over the ropes. Kane upper cuts Axel over the ropes. Dallas tried to shake hands with Kane, but Kane grabs his hand and throws him over the ropes. The Big Show gets up and hugs Kane. Big Show does the pose in the middle of the ropes. Kane taps him on the shoulder and chokeslams him out if the ring as the ring catches fire. Kane is so epic and always has the greatest ring theatrics.
The Chris Jericho vs Fandango match once again was just a way for Jericho and AJ Styles to get to each other. Of course, Jericho had this match in the bag. Fandango did knock Jericho off the top ropes, but Jericho moved out and then applied the walls of Jericho. What happens? AJ Styles come down to the ring chanting Y2 Jackass and Jericho distracted gets rolled up by Fandango, but he kicked out, hit him with a code breaker, and won the match. AJ stared at Jericho. As he gets in the ring Jericho slide out and up the ramp he goes like a chicken shit. AJ suggests they fight at WrestleMania so he can show Jericho why the crowd chants AJ Styles.
Kevin Owen walks in to announce the triple threat match and as a surprise he introduces Stardust, Sin Cara and Zack Ryder. Of course, he would pull some crap like this. He is a coward for no reason. He’s actually a decent wrestler. He just likes to be the bad guy. As the match is going on it’s basically ignored as Sammi Zayne comes out followed by the Miz, and then by Dolph Ziggler. The match gets thrown out as chaos erupts outside. Everyone tried to attack Owens, but, of course, he gets away. He rushes straight to Stephanie McMahon, while shes on the phone asking if she should leave because she’s afraid Roman Reigns is going to attack her. Owens interrupts her telling her he was assaulted by 6 maniacs. Well, she since she was already mad, says now he’s going to face these maniacs in a ladder match at WrestleMania for his title.
The camera cuts to Stephanie as she’s in the garage kissing her husband as they get in the car. The garage door opens and there’s Roman Reigns standing right in their path. He walks over to the passenger side door which is unlocked. He opens the door, pulls Triple H out, and continuously punches him in his face. But then, Triple H gets in a right punch to his face and then he gets in the car and they drive away.
Natalya vs Charlotte/Ric Flair is the next match. You know I know Charlotte is supposed to be Ric Flair’s daughter, but she is so annoying her WOO’s hurt my soul. Anyway, this match goes how it normally does. Now I don’t really like Charlotte, but she’s a good wrestler. At the close of this match Charlotte tries to roll Natalya up. She kicks out and Charlotte goes for the figure eight. Natalya reverses and cradles her up. She kicks out and gets her in the natural selection for the win.
Vince McMahon comes to the ring with an announcement about the match at WrestleMania with Shane vs The Undertaker. His announcement was that if The Undertaker loses it will be his WrestleMania. Now I’ve heard mixed feelings about this announcement. Some people don’t like it. Why would he do that? Because, if Shane wins then he loses Monday Night RAW. Why would Vince even want that? But, the way he explains it, it’s because Vince is making the Undertaker his bitch. He’s basically making The Undertaker have to beat Shane. My opinion we all know is that The Undertaker might just let Shane win just to spit in Vince’s face.
The Dean Ambrose vs Braun Strowman match, as the crowd says, was boring for a Dean Ambrose match. It really was! Well, that is until the end of the match when Dean hits him with a chair. Getting disqualified he continues to hit him with a chair! Then he hits him with a rebound clothesline. Next, he hits him with the Dirty Deeds right on the chair. He stares into the eyes of Paul Hammond as the show ends. That was the RAW recap by you favorite ninja The Everyday Ninja.
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